What is it to be a woman?

Is it what the outer world, our surroundings, science and society tell us? Or is it what we feel and experience? Or might it be what history tells of what we are capable of? Or a mix of all this?

At the age of 16 I visited my uncle and his partner in Berlin for a day. As the brother of my mother he had, and fortunately still has, an important male role in my life. Before I went out into Berlin’s nightlife, he and I went to a café and smoked a joint. I was all dressed up in, even on high heels. And it was going to be my first time in Berlin’s nightlife all on my own.

We have always talked about all sorts of things, no taboos. At some point he looked at me and he lovingly said: “You know, as a woman you need to make sure you always stay mysterious to a man, so he stays interested.” 

Even back then my whole system gave a clear “hell no!” No games. A man has to like and take me as I am. And if not, then he is not for me.Now, 34 years later, that view is still the same.

In the course of life, the question did come up: “What is it that makes me a woman?” I consider it normal to look around, compare and feel in myself and ask questions and talk about stuff that keeps me busy. Falling in and out of love, getting married and divorced, not having any children, all moments of introspection. The main women in my life were my grandmother and mother. My grandma was loving, super caring, strong, but somehow in my view too much giving herself away, too much in service, especially to the men in our surroundings. My Mother, on the other hand, was all out there. Dominant and lots of drama from what I could see and feel. So both were not the role models to my wishes. 

So when the question came up again I just asked mighty GOOGLE and it said: “A human that gives birth.”Well, I did not give birth. No woman? If ‘a woman’ is simply ‘a human that gives birth’, then what am I – and so many others – to you?To cut a long story short, there is much to say and discover on this subject.The views are also often based on cultural background and history.

To give another example of my loving uncle, from a Romanian background, who has more of a macho view on things:In 2017 when we travelled together for a couple of weeks and talked a lot he said:  “All important inventions, science, structures, murals, art etc. have been made by men.”Gently implying that intelligence and talent of women is inferior, evident (at least that’s how I interpreted it).It triggered me immensely. My heart rate went up and I shared that with him.

He calmly and gently asked:“So in case what I am saying is not true, tell me, what did women invent or give me names of crucial female figures in history?”Silence… Fair enough. I didn’t know any names. My knowledge was poor, and I had never taken the time to look deeper. That moment stayed with me and is one of the reasons I’m reading now..

And now, several years later, during the holy nights of Christmas and New Year, I started reading… I started reading about Shakti women and The Great Cosmic Mother, and several others. Books on goddess traditions, women’s shamanic power, our shared motherline. Oh my goodness, there is so much.

Ancient cultures, biology, astrology…I am just dipping my toes into this…But one thing I would most probably answer to my uncle is: Our mothers, yours and mine. Who gave birth to us, fed us, taught us to communicate.

So here I am now writing this first blog, in this woman’s body with 50 years of experience and inspired to go down the rabbit hole.

What is it to be a woman?

I will ask science, religion, history, but in the end it’s my own body that keeps asking the question back. I will learn more about the Dark Mother, female anatomy, matriarchal times…

Somewhere between what I’ve been told and what I actually feel, something in me wants to wake up and remember. This all inspires me because I believe these kinds of questions, and the answers that slowly form, can give us a deeper understanding of our nature, our lives, and the purpose each one of us carries inside.

For now I ask you this: What is a woman to you?What do you really know and how do you feel when you think of a woman?

To be continued...

Juli